"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
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