my vag is so smooth its legendary
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
