p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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