I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Drake has all the answers
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Randomize
