Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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