We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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