She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
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