fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
