there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
