Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
