is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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