oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
