Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
why do cheetos always look like penises
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
