Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
