So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
the liver wants what the liver wants
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Randomize