We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Please don't give away my fajitas
he's single and there are thong briefs.
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