are you still at the devil's house?
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i came on her dog
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
