final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
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