I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
