fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Randomize
