How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
