Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
