so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
