it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
