Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Randomize
