My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
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