those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
