Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
