when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize