There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
