if only i could text you this smell
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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