There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
