Are we in a gay sports bar?
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
