Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
