Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
it glows. i had to have it.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
my poor anus
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
