Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
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