I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
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