just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
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