Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
