Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
