Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
This gyro tastes like lonliness
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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