Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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