so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Randomize
