wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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