in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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