I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize