I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
