wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Reggie can tackle my bush.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
