You just made me feel so damn special
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
