dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
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