She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
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