I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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