We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
