Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
