I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
