My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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