I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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