Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
