oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
