I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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