Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
