four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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