thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize