i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
