I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
I would ride that face into the sunset
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
